I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
