I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im holly from the hills drunk
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
