i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
