She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
