Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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