just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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