i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize