Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
