Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
