Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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