best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
