I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
