Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
