I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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