in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
