Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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