Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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