shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
