I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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