So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
