and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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