i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
