do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Boobs speak an international language.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You've changed since you got that strap on
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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