She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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