3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
