you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
