brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
