If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
