did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
