i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
