First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's official drugs can't kill me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
