Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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