I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize