grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
