At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize