Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
