I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
whose parrot is this?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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