Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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