Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
zippers are such a cool invention
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
