Sponge bath it is.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
