chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
