So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
