what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
