I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
