Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
