If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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