Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
