So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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