yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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