Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
