im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
