I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
