the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
