That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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