I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
