One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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