she looked like the before picture.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
