Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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