$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
