I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
