If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
