So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
