i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
