Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
